


Don't Let Them Know

by ywhiterain



Series: Hope: the baby bartender [1]
Category: The Originals (TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen, children in bars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 12:33:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10437831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ywhiterain/pseuds/ywhiterain
Summary: "Why is my underage niece serving scotch on the rocks in your bar?" Elijah asked.Kol befriends Josh and gets Hope a job at his bar. Josh somehow survives this new reality.





	

Kol was quite boozy when he stumbled into Josh's bar.

"I thought you were out of town for good," Josh said.

"Marcel needs us," Kol said, waving his hands, "another threat to this city. I wanted to leave this place to rot, but I was outvoted." He threw up his hands in a mock cheer. "Mikaelsons to the rescue."

"Let me guess," Josh said, "six to one."

"Fuck you," Kol slurred. He plopped down at the bar and pointed vaguely at bottle on the wall. "I'll take that one."

"I'm charging you double," Josh muttered.

"I can afford it," Kol said as Josh grabbed the bottle and began to pour a shot. "Stolen wealth and all. Man, I miss being the villain. So much more fun."

Josh put on his friendly bartender smile. (Cami had taught him). "So, why play the hero?"

"Nik threatened to dagger me and then lectured me about the evils of violence, the hypocrite," Kol said. He drained the shot in one go before grabbing the bottle out of Josh's hands. "The real reason is Davina." He chugged down the booze and slumped down onto the bar table. "God, I miss her."

Josh's heart strings were pulled. Stupid best friend and her shitty taste in men. "If you promise not to harm my customers, I'll show you something awesome when my shift is over."

"What could you possibly show me that I haven't already seen?" Kol asked.

"I have all of Davina's paintings," Josh said. He turned around, looked at her picture posted on the wall, and blinked. "Marcel couldn't stand looking at them. So I took them."

"Tell me where to find them," Kol said.

"You can wait twenty minutes," Josh said. He prayed for his life silently as he turned around to face a sulking Kol. He surveyed the room. It was almost empty. "Less than that if you can get everyone out of here without blood shed and with extra tips."

Kol stood up on the bar. "Get out of here right now and it's on me." He looked down at Josh and grinned. "Forty percent tip too."

Josh knocked his head on the wall. He could only blame himself.

*

The look on Kol's face when Josh showed him the paintings was well worth the life endangerment that came with spending time with Originals.

*

A week later, Kol strolled into the bar with little girl at his heals. "Meet my niece, Hope."

"Hi!" Hope said. She was cute. Way cuter than anyone with Klaus' DNA had a right to be. "May I please have a coke?"

"Sure," Josh said. Then. "I don't sell soda." He walked over Kol and grabbed his arm. "Because this is a bar. A bar, Kol."

Kol stared at him like he was speaking Greek, which was silly because he was probably fluent in Greek. 

"Bars are for adults only," Josh hissed.

Kol rolled his eyes. "Don't worry about that. Little compulsion will take care of anyone who takes issue with that stupid law."

"That's not the point!" Josh said. "This place isn't appropriate for a child." He leaned in. "And I don't think your siblings will be happy with you. And I will be the collateral damage!"

Hope tugged at Josh's shirt. "Can I play waitress?"

"What," Kol and Josh said in unison.

"I want to take people's orders!" Hope said. "I have really good handwriting."

"Have at it," Kol said. He took the notepad out of Josh's apron and tossed to her. He grabbed the pen out of Josh's shirt. He walked over to Hope and knelt at her level. "Just don't tell your dad I let you do manual labor."

"Deal," Hope said and rushed over to a customer. "May I take your order?"

Said customer was a townie so he just stared at her before shrugging. Weirder things happened in New Orleans on a daily basis. "Bloody Mary, kiddo."

"God damn it," Josh said.

And that's how he got a part time prepubescent child waitress as his newest employee.

*

"Fuck Elijah," Kol said a he stormed into Josh's bar.

As a general rule, Josh agreed. On multiple levels. Look, the guy had great hair. And his arms were nothing to complain about either. When she was drunk enough, Davina understood.

The bar was empty so Josh went over to the door and turned the sign so it said 'closed'. "What brought that on?"

"He forgave Marcel," Kol said as he helped himself to some of Josh's most expensive products. Josh folded his arms and Kol rolled his eyes before dropping a couple of hundreds on the table. "Marcel didn't even fucking apologize!"

"Seeing as Elijah ripped out his heart, can't say I really blame him," Josh said. Kol glared at him an Josh mentally kicked himself. Don't be too honest around murderous Originals. Lesson one of vampirism 101. He blamed the five years without them - they dulled his survival instincts and sharpened his common sense.

"He should be grateful that he got better," Kol said. "Most people who cross Elijah don't. Except Elena Gilbert, fuck her too."

"Who?"

Kol took a long drink. "Doppelganger that Elijah went ga-ga for. She killed me, and Elijah's still got a thing for her. Rebekah's still got a thing several of her boyfriends, all of who helped kill me, by the way. And do not get me started on Klaus and Caroline. And probably Klaus and Stefan. Fuck my siblings, the traitors. Except Freya." Kol's eyes darkened. "For now."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Josh said, slowly, as if he was talking to a dim toddler.

"Never mind," Kol said. "Just do yourself a favor and never step foot into Mystic Falls, Virginia."

"That sounds like the name of a small town and I make it a rule to stay away from small towns," Josh said, grabbing a broom, "being queer and all."

*

"Joshua," Hope said mimicking the tone Elijah's used, which would bother Josh if it wasn't so adorable, "can we go to Target?" She pulled out a handful of money from her over sized apron. An illegal bartender who could hustle. Josh appreciated her. "I want to buy some LEGOs."

"Sure," Josh said. Wait. He turned to look at Kol, who was guzzling down booze and ignoring his babysitting duties. "Why can't your uncle do it?"

Hope climbed up on a table and leaned over to whisper in Josh's ears, "I wanna buy Frozen LEGOs but Mommy and Daddy don't want me to."

"What kind of stupid rule is that?" Josh asked.

"They call it the hell movie," Hope said. "They don't understand why it's so great." She began to twirl around on the table, long hair flowing around her. "A KINGDOM OF ISOLATION AND IT LOOKS LIKE I'M THE QUEEN!"

"Honey," Josh said with a grin, "not only will I take you to Target but I'll show you some amazing stuff online. Elsa's my baby gay princess, and the Internet agrees with me."

"The cold never bothered us anyway," Hope sung, off-key.

*

"You got me in trouble," Kol said, storming into the bar. "Hayley nearly bit me when she saw Hope's room. All Elsa, all the time."

"Pro tip: I spoil children," Josh said. "You drop your babysitting duties on me, and I'll give her anything she wants." 

"You two must have bought everything with Elsa's face plastered on it," Kol said, "how the hell could you afford it?"

"Uh," Josh said as Kol dropped several bills on the table before grabbing some booze, "you. And we didn't even scratch the surface of Frozen merch." 

"I guess I'm partially at fault," Kol admitted. He gave Josh a mad grin before dropping some more money on the table. "Elijah's," he said at Josh's boggled look, "I stole it."

Josh gathered up the money and pocketed it. It'd probably bite him in the ass in the long run, so he might as well enjoy the easy cash flow while he could.

*

"Maybe I should buy you something that fits," Josh said as Hope put on her over sized apron.

"I like it," Hope said. She stood up on her toes. "It makes me look like Mommy!"

"Remind me to buy you some heels," Josh said as he began to pull her hair up into a ponytail. 

Hope scrunched up her nose. "Why?"

"It'll be cute," Josh said, "you'll get twice the tips."

Hope thought about it. "Only if they sparkle."

Josh was deeply offended. "Like there was any other choice."

Hope cheered.

Josh pointed to a lesbian couple at the back of the bar. "They're your mark today. Work them and report back to me."

Hope nodded seriously before rushing over them. 

Then Josh's day got significantly worse.

"Why is my underage niece serving scotch on the rocks in your bar?" Elijah asked.

Josh nearly had a heart attack. "Where the hell did you come from?"

"Vampire," Elijah said. The 'duh' was implied. "Answer my question before I become violent."

Josh looked over at Kol's usual spot. He was gone. He left Josh alone to deal with and angry and protective Elijah. Jerk. "She wanted to?"

"And if she wanted to jump off a twenty story building to see if she could fly would you do that too?" Elijah asked.

Josh was spared from answering when Hope rushed over to them. She took out a handful of money and waved it. "Look at my hustle, Uncle Elijah!"

"Are you teaching my niece how manipulate humans out of their money?" Elijah asked.

"Oh come on," Josh said. "You can't blame me for that. It's in her blood."

Hope grinned. One of her front teeth was missing. "I told them I was saving up to buy Mommy an expensive perfume for her birthday. They gave me a sixty percent tip!"

Elijah gave Josh a withering look.

"I'm teaching her math!" Josh said. Elijah took exactly one step toward him and Josh had a small heart attack. "It's not my fault Kol brings her here," he said weakly

Elijah picked up Hope. "Does Uncle Kol always bring you here?"

Hope nodded. "It's Kol-Hope Happy Hour!"

"Okay," Josh said, "I did not teach her that."

"We have scotch sometimes when we walk home," Hope said helpfully, "he mixes with coke and it's yummy."

"Watch Hope," Elijah said, shoving the little girl in Josh's arms, "I have a little brother to murder."

Once he was sure Elijah was gone, Josh said, "I know for a fact Kol doesn't let you drink."

"It was a white lie," Hope said, "Daddy said it was okay to lie to save your friends. Can I go back to waiting? I have a new mark."

"Sure," Josh said, letting her down, "I'm sure Elijah will kill me slowly no matter what I do."

"I'll keep you safe," Hope promised before putting on her best innocent smile and skipping over to her latest prey.

Josh couldn't help but swell with pride a little bit.

*

"I suggest you leave," Marcel said as Kol walked into Josh's bar.

"It's fine," Josh said as he grabbed a random bottle and tossed it in Kol's general direction.

Kol took a long drink. "Did you give me the cheap stuff?"

"After Elijah spent the day lecturing me about the evil's of child labor, it's the least you deserve." 

"Point you," Kol said. "I'm officially grounded from spending any alone time with Hope until I lean how to act like an adult."

"There goes my best waitress," Josh said.

"No," Marcel said, shaking his head. "There is no way you two are friends."

"Oops," Josh said. He gave Marcel a sheepish look as Kol grabbed some wine from the shelf. "He sort of grows on you?"

"First D, and now you?" Marcel complained. "What does anyone see in him?"

"If it makes you feel any better, Kol's sure that Elijah likes you better than him," Josh said.

Kol threw a dirty rag at Josh, who ducked. "I heard that!"

Then Hope popped in through the underground entrance. "Sorry I'm late, Joshua."

"No problem," Josh said with a sigh, "your apron is where you it always is."

Marcel stared at Josh. "There's no way I'm letting you continue to exploit her."

"If you can get her to stop, be my guest," Josh said.

"She just needs a firm hand," Marcel said and walked over to her.

Ten minutes later, Marcel came back, twenty dollars shorter. "Don't. Say. A. Word."

*

"Every day I'm hustling, hustling," Hope sung as she counted her money.

"Oh god," Josh said, "please don't let Elijah know I'm letting you listening to shitty music." He paused then added, "Or that I'm exposing you to dirty language."

"He wants me to play the piano," Hope said, "it's so boring."

Kol took a drag of his booze. "Don't even try to get out of it, Hope. That's one fight you're not going to win." He eyed her money. "He'll never see that your talents obviously lie elsewhere." 

"It's a waste of time," Hope complained. "I don't want to be cultured."

"If you get good enough, I'll put a piano in here," Josh said, "you'll probably get some good tips."

Hope's grin looked exactly like Klaus'. Josh took a closer look and realized he was wrong. It was exactly like _Kol's_.

"You can only blame yourself, mate," Kol said when he saw the look of dawning horror on Josh's face. "You shoulda banned us months ago."

Josh threw a dirty rag at him. Kol didn't bother to dunk.


End file.
